Over the years my circle of friends has restructured itself without any real doing on my part. It's weird. And I guess I'm trying to figure out if it has anything to do with my getting older, besides there being spiritual reasons. There's mainly just my girl bff, my guy bff, and a few other people at the near outskirts of the circle that make up the bulk of my support group. Before, I had in my mind how I thought the people in my life in the past would be positioned in my future and I'm watching from the sidelines as it is totally unfolding in a different way. Roles are changing, paths are turning, and nothing is catching me by surprise anymore. But I've learned so much from the people in my life, past and present. I've learned how to love in spite of, how to listen, how to heal and forgive, how to let go, how to be supportive, when to say nothing, and when to speak up. OK, you have to understand why I even care so much to write about these types of things or care so much about friendships like I do. I grew up the youngest of 6. My siblings for a long time were my only friends. And since I was the youngest, I didn't really have much of a voice. I was always quiet ('till I became a prissy teenage girl that is), and never really expressed a lot. I got older and people and personalities were fascinating to me. Meeting people, making friends, learning different personalities became my hobby. And at some point I ended up having all these people in my life...bad and good. I'm older now, but I think I extended the fascination a little too long. It seems I'm just realizing those who were only short-term...I guess I got it mixed up somewhere along the way. Because I didn't realize that all of them weren't meant to be forever. Everything and everybody is not meant to be forever. Everything can't be fixed, and some things will never change. Some people need to change, but don't realize it...and you can't make the change for them. You can only hope and pray that they do. But even in hoping and praying, life is steady moving and you have to move as well.
But back to this circle of friends I was talking about...it's funny how things transition and in what period of time. What I'm noticing about my current circle is the "forever" traits and characteristics that I recognize will help me for the rest of my life...it's not a temporary appreciation. And who's to say when it's all over if that circle will remain with the same faces, but those "forever" traits and characteristics I was able to see will be there to always remind me....the soberness, the easy-spiritedness, the protectiveness, the realness, and perspective...I now know what qualities make me the happiest because I've found them in each of them. When you can't necessarily find all the qualities in one particular person, you learn to gain what you need as they are dispersed from each individual. I'm guessing that as you get older that circle becomes thinner and thinner...for whatever reason. As my circle gets thinner and thinner, I've learned to appreciate and put my effort and energy into the qualities in others that is going to in return replenish, fulfill, and cheer me. It sounds selfish, but it's really just a matter of watching your intake. At some point when you continue giving out more than you're taking in, you'll realize you're being cheated, and you're getting nowhere. Thus, something needs to be done in order for you to make a profit. I'm placing returns on my investments.
-just a few of my thoughts for the day...
l8r:
mspinky
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