Friday, September 27, 2013

Newborn Feelings

These feelings are all new to me.  My peers have already become familiar with them.  I’m lying here next to this tiny little person who has my cheeks.  I’m watching him watch me, smile at me for no reason at all, and look into my eyes until he falls into dreamland.  And I sleep with one eye closed and the other open, eager to protect him from his own bad dreams.  I have this overwhelming quest to make his life happy.  All my inadequacies that I've ever had in life must now cease.  I have no room left to be insecure.  I must be strong for him.  I still am amazed at the reality of him being mine.  God gave him to me.  I want to do my very best.  I don’t want to mess up.  Life suddenly has new meaning to it; the weight of purpose even heavier now.  I must go on.  I have someone to look after now who depends on my sanity, my strength, my motivation.  I feel all these things and I can’t help but notice that God must feel the same joy and fulfillment when he thinks of us. And most of us haven't done enough to deserve those sentiments. That’s refreshing to know.  I have my son, and God has me.  It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :) I am not without.  I can do this!


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