Please don't hate me, but I gotta keep it real...

This is kinda long, so read when you have time....BUT you def need to read this...for real talk. I'm sitting here at my kitchen bar bubbling over with words and feelings to express, and mad at myself because I know that even after I finish writing the last line of this blog, I'll still only have said very little of what really wants to be said. I apologize in advance if this offends anyone, but if the shoe fits...I hope it eats at your heart and plays in your ear over and over again until you come to the knowledge of the truth. This is Faith...for real, and I'm going to be straight up with yall, especially those of you who have questioned my interests.

I got saved 5 years ago and was just as excited as can be. It was the best move I'd ever made in life thus far. I grew up in the church as a preacher's daughter and all I know is wrapped up in belief in God and holiness. I'm young, I had dreams, some of which I pushed aside for the pursuit of God's purpose for my life. But some I held on to that were pretty normal, such as getting married, having kids and being successful. I've been taught and reared in a way that suggested that I get as saved as possible and when the time was right on my journey, God would send me someone special, on my level, or at least within proximity (naturally & spiritually), and marriage wouldn't be so hard because God was the one who ordained it (the two of us). That's very refreshing to know, and promising. Do I still believe this? Of course! Because He said it. However, I can't deny that I am not sickened by this retarded dating epidemic that has crept into the church and shakes the faith of those of us who yet hold on, even with "mustard seed faith" that what God said is still true.

So in the process of striving to reach this place in God, you seek to lose the tools and attributes you used in the street to get "Johnny", because God's the one doing the work...so to speak, not you anymore. And I'm not suggesting that I have obtained all this, but certainly I press towards this standard. But in my press, I have seen some very disturbing things that would make women of little faith question that belief. We put hope in God, and in His ability to send us a man that would sacrifice his "game" and "charm" like we have sacrificed, to allow God to facilitate their commission to "find" a wife. Nowadays, that word "find" has taken on a completely different meaning than what was intended...such as "oh taste n see." I challenge every man reading this blog to really search out what God intended when He put this in the book.

My frustration, I admit, is seeing how the enemy has corrupted our minds to acting out processes that are very secular & carnal in nature. I have to repent myself because I questioned God about my press by backing up, because of what I saw other people doing & hearing their thoughts and desires concerning courtship and such in the church. I became disappointed with the notion that guys...simply put...don't want a girl too far in her spiritual journey in God; it's never really a topic of discussion. Here's the part where some of you may get hott madd at me, but I don't care. Although we've taken this step into salvation, the hidden fact remains that guys like that extra switch in the hips, that seductive blink in the eye, those skin tight jeans, that tip in the step, and that "I got what you need" attitude that makes all the other women seem a bit bland. They don't want you to sweat in prayer or come home with your hair out of place because you shouted it out at church. They want you to be saved, but they want you to sit cute and be saved. They want you to be saved, but they want you to let loose at home. They want you to be saved, but they want you to be like Beyonce'. Modesty is no longer a quality. It's a turn-off. And although the modest and spiritual type is what they need, it's not what they want nor are attracted to. So, as a result, you have a church full of young women who want God (some at least), but still want to be able to be "found," and getting too saved and spiritual is not making the cut. "I gotta compromise my destiny and my press in God a little bit to make sure I leave room for Johnny to notice me. I gotta keep a little bit of my swagger so I can still get a woman and/or man."

This is some bull...if I can use that for a word. I'm so disgusted by this harsh reality that the devil has a lot of us fooled, and we're going to miss the door of opportunity to receiving power with God because we won't grab hold to the faith enough of what God promised us, if we let go of us, and the secular ways we have adopted in the church.

I had to check myself today because I found myself questioning if God could really deliver His promise to me if I sought Him like He's asking me to; for the simple fact that people are just not attracted to that, despite how "cute" you may be. Today is the day of being sexy and advertising yourself as such. And the young people in the church have adopted this desire to get something that God already has laid out for us. Yeah, it's depressing to hear you guys tell me "Your dress is too big" or "Your skirt's too long." And I was almost fooled. But if I may, let me be the first to try God at His word. And all you "oh taste n see" folks who think you are "find"ing your wife by using such secular tactics, you'll miss out on what God really had in store for you because your outlook is all wrong. But as for me...I choose to trust God.

"If the truth kill a man...let him die!"

L8R:
MsFaithe