Throw me overboard!

Maybe I'm late just figuring this out or something. But I'm beginning to REALLY feel like my whole life is fixed. What do you mean fixed? I mean that, my whole life is already patterned, planned, and set, and nothing I do can change that. Does anybody ever feel like this? I mean, in a very big way, I'm happy to know that God cared enough to plan out my life and set my destiny and my future. Everything is taken care of (my faith tells me). But what about those things that you wanted to have an input in or you wanted to see happen in your life? Do those things count? I hear people say they do, but I'm really starting to believe otherwise. Like the parents who decided what college the child would attend, cause they were the ones paying for it, and because they believed you could achieve greater by taking the road they chose for you. But the child always wanted to go to the other college. I want what God wants for me, definitely. But there's this incy, wincy thing that I fear so dreadfully that I will be asked to do and with all that's within me I don't want to do it. (I can't say what it is 'cause people would have a cow!). And for years I've been trying to contemplate this thing in my mind, "Would God have you do something that you really didn't have any desire or will to do?" As much as my own mind would tell me "no", I know the real answer is "absolutely." Look at Jonah!!! Ahhhh, I cringe everytime I think about the thought of it. But I could be over-reacting. He may not require me to go that route, but it's just one of my biggest fears, so I can't help but think about it. And it doesn't help when people around you are in agreement that that's the route I should choose. Gosh, I don't wanna be like Jonah! I used to think it was such an idiotic thing he did, running away from what God told him to do. But I understand now what he must have felt like and I symphatize with him. Gosh...I hope I don't get swallowed up by a whale.


L8r:
Ms. Pinky