While driving last night to go hear my dad preach at this church on the westside, I was just meditating in the quiet, thinking about some things and pondering on some of my relationships with people. Maybe it's just me, but I'm the kind of person that will always examine and re-examine my relationships with people, things I say, things I do, and not only that, but I try hard to understand why people act the way they do. Now that I'm older and wiser, I realize when people do something to upset, hurt, or let you down, most of the time (I pray), it's not done intentionally. And it almost always happens as a result of an internal defect that showed it's face outwardly.
Pride, which is one of the most despicable sins that God hates, is not merely a result of someone being over-bearing, thinking highly of themselves, or over-praising oneself. If you dig deep enough into the character of a person, you will find that pride builds itself a tower over a foundation of many insecurities and weaknesses. Some people who have many insecurities, you know off-hand, because they shy away from everything, they always second-guess themselves, and they display a countenance of shamefacedness. But there are others who combat those insecurities by disguising them behind a spirit of pride. A proud spirit disguises its insecurities with excessive praise and other arrogant attitudes. Ok, Faith, what's your point here. We know it's bad to be proud and we also know that carrying insecurities are not good either. But the real sad part is that those who flood themselves in a spirit of pride to disguise their weaknesses can not even receive the deliverance they so desperately need. He (when I say He, I mean God) can not even deal with your insecurities because we cover them up with haughtiness and pride...trying to make others believe we're so much more than what we are. We're fabulous, we're educated, we're intelligent, we're sought after, we are stylish...and we feed these things, all the while ignoring the very reason we needed God for in the first place...cause we were weak, we were insecure, we were nothing before we came to Jesus (or before He came to us).
The devil, when he was once Lucifer in Heaven, stood very close to God; in fact, stood in the very presence of God. He was called the Son of the Morning, or the "Angel of the Morning." He was one of the most beautiful angels in Heaven. But he had a defect in his character. He was insecure. He didn't think he was adequate enough. He didn't think with all the glory he had that he was good enough. Thus, he thought to exalt himself above God and to seek out the throne of God...to remove it from God and make it his. You see, what I'm saying? We always talk about how the devil got kicked out of heaven because of pride. Yup! You're exactly right. But I propose to you that pride was found him, was built in him first because of his feeling of inadequacy. Can anybody relate to this?
The devil had disguised himself in so much pride, so much so that 1/3 (a third) of the angels in heaven believed that the devil was actually capable of carrying out this plot to take God's throne. Now, come on...do you actually think that the devil really thought he could take the throne of the one who even created him; and not only created him, but the entire earth, the firmament (space), everything!!! He convinced himself that he had to be better, more than what he was, and in the process, he convinced many others to believe as well, and he as a result lost his place in Heaven and the place of all the other angels. You better watch who you are believing and putting your trust in. 'Cause some folks are walking around with nothing but disguising promises in their mouth. But they're really insecure and know that they can't even accomplish what they are declaring unto you.
I'm reminded of this guy I went to school with. We went to middle school together. Then we ended up at the same high school and graduated together. In middle school, we were never friends. I think at one time I had a crush on him, but he never gave me the time of day....which I'm not surprised. I was a tom-boy in middle school. But I noticed him because he made himself noticeable. He wasn't even one of the most popular guys in middle school, but he demanded your attention. He walked around the halls liked he owned the place. He was very confident...."over-confident."
In high school, it seems he ate more of the bad apples he was eating in middle school. He got much worse. For the life of me, I couldn't understand how this guy could be so arrogant. He was nice lookin'. Short....but nice-lookin.' ;-) He dressed nice (except in middle school when he used to wear K-Swiss...Yuk...I hate a guy in K-Swiss)!!! And from the looks of it, you would expect he kept a nice amount of money in his pockets. Anyhow, about in the 10th grade, (I guess then I was officially out of my "tom boy" stage) he began to finally approach me. By then, I was like "boy please!" Everyday after 2nd hour class he would walk me to my locker and trying to get me to budge. "Nope." But I did agree that we could be cool...friends, you know. So anyways, time went on, and he remained the same stuck-up, arrogant, conceited, prick that I always knew him to be. So much so that we started to really dislike each other. I wouldn't even speak to him anymore. And he wouldn't speak to me 'cause he knew I wasn't putting up with his defect anymore.
Senior year, the girls (mainly the underclassman) had really began to take more notice of this guy. That soared his ego to the max. Until he almost began to crack. For a few weeks, maybe in months, I began to notice something was wrong with him. He was acting weird, a crazy kind of weird. Then one day, I got a phone call from him at home. He said, "Faith, I haven't been to school lately because I been thinking about killing myself." Shockingly, I replied as if I didn't believe him, 'cause I would have never expected that from him. But after he told me he actually tried, I was like, Oh this cat is for real! And I was surprised that he even thought to call and tell me. We couldn't stand each other. But he went on to tell me about somethings that was going on in his life...how his family was crazy and practically didn't have a family, most of them had drinking problems, and some other issues. He really poured out to me that night and that was the first time I had ever seen a softer side of him. It was at that time that I began to understand why he acted the way he did. And until we graduated, I held on to that and it didn't really bother me anymore. I was moreso sorry for the damage that his family and his life had done to his own character.
After that conversation, he went back to his normal self. No, I didn't lay my hands on him or tarry with him for deliverance...LOL. I was doing my own thing back then. But anyways, I did pray for him though. And every now and again I'll think about him and pray for him and I haven't seen him since we graduated. I think I even booed him when he walked across the stage. lol....I was crazy in high school yall!
But I thought about that after the Lord was helping me to understand some things that I didn't understand and about people and about myself. I don't want to cover up my insecurities with an even bigger fault that would get me in even more trouble than the insecurity alone. You know? God wants to heal our infirmities and give us power to conquer our insecurities. But He can't get to it with all our pride in the way. To be proud is a choice and God is not going to go over our own will. We need to let that junk go so He can get to the real issue behind all that mess we built on top of it. So when I come across a person with oh so much pride in themselves, I know all it is is a disguise of the very weaknesses and insecurities that drove him to that spirit in the first place. And also this gives me a bigger microscope to look into my own character to see what am I trying to cover up. This is just food for thought.
Sorry...I didn't mean to preach.
L8R:
Ms. Pinky
1 comment:
OH Daughter of Zion!
Post a Comment