I'm going to attempt to get all my thought typed in this box before the Nyquil I just took puts me out like a light. You know, every since I got back from H-b, I have felt different. That's usually the idea, especially after being in very high and anointed services such as we usually have with my Pastor, Dr. Stacks. But this is a different kind of different. Even before I left H-b, I felt different. Almost like a silence came over me. Things I would normally say, ways I would normally feel in response to people and the things they do and say, wasn't there anymore...at least not to the extent I am custom to. And since I've been home, it seems all my words have left me. Sometimes I just have nothing to say, and other times I could say something, but it won't come out. It's rather odd to me. Especially since events have and are taking place that would normally require me to have something to say. And even when I find myself wanting to speak on it, I can't. Instead, I only grunt with a lowly, "hmm" and that'll be it.
In addition to this, one of the hardest parts of being a writer (for me at least) is that you want to share things that happen in your world, which more than likely includes the people in your world and the events that take place involving you and them directly or indirectly. But for fear of offending them, you can't really tell the story, even without their names inputted. Gosh, I have sooooo many thoughts to share that could help, but trust is key. And I wouldn't be the great sister and friend that you all hold me to be if I did anything to question that trust. So, I choose to conceal those thoughts.
But I will say this. I know that everything I have and am witnessing my closest friends go through, and even my own tests of faith, I am learning more about people (not people in regards to specific names, but people in regards to personality traits and spirits), than I ever have. I'm seeing the reality of the fraily of man and flesh, and the result is that it's giving me a greater appreciation for the divine characteristic of God and his "alwaysness" as Yolanda Adams would put it. One scripture we as humans have the hardest time fulfulling is "put no confidence in flesh." Because as humans we rely on the strength of each other; the strength in being able to trust one another, the strength in being able to depend on each other, the strength in being there for one another. But the truth be told, we are all frail, and we fail each other, and we make mistakes - all of which must be forgiveable because God commands us to do so or we ourselves can not be forgiven. "And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us..." one of the most famous scriptures in the bible. Still...it hurts when those closest to you fail you, or even more-so when they are failing you right before your eyes and either you don't know it yet, or they don't recognize they are failing you. It makes me wonder within my own self, "Who am I failing and don't realize it?" We spend so much time capatilizing on those who have and are failiing us and don't stop to question who are we failing or have we failed. Life hurts sometimes. But I want you all to just remember that there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. If we can grab hold to the reality that God never fails and man always does, things wouldn't hurt so bad. As good of a friend and a person that I try to be, yet I do fail. Remember that.
L8r:
Ms. Pinky
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